


What We Lost

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But I say no, But with a happy ending, Dean grieving, F/F, F/M, Fix-it fic, He’ll come back dw, Idiots in Love, I’m gonna find a way to squeeze in every character I enjoy, Just your resident lesbian fixing the ending xx, M/M, MCD isn’t permanent, angst then fluff, chaos to come, cw said homophobia rights, first multi chapter fic so the chapters might be short.., irregular chapter posting schedule sorry yall, raiding the empty, school is chaotic, season 15 spoilers, slightly meta pokes, so copious amounts of lesbians and gays here, the real super turbo hell was the show we made along the way, this picks up after 15x19, writing is hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Picks up after 15x19With Chuck gone, what now? Dean thought he’d gotten the ending he’d always wanted, but now that it’s his, it doesn’t feel like enough. Something’s missing, rather, someone is, and he’ll stop at nothing to get him back.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	1. What Now?

**Author's Note:**

> Alright here we go, ladies and men and nonbinary friends! This is my attempt at a fix-it fic and finale rewrite. I plan to release chapters weekly but I’m not positive on that schedule, life can be hectic. I hope y’all enjoy, kudos and comments always appreciated!
> 
> xx

It was over. Chuck was defeated, humanity restored, and everyone was free to write their own stories. But Dean couldn’t help but feel incomplete, couldn’t help but wonder, ‘What now?’. He tried to enjoy the freedom. No one is pulling the strings anymore, they’re free to make their own ending. Just him and Sam against the world… that’s what he’s always wanted. But why did it make him feel so empty, so deeply unsatisfied?

Every night, as he closed his eyes, he kept seeing the same thing burned into his memory: Castiel. Meeting him for the first time in the barn, fixing his tie, holding that damn badge upside down, hearing his gravelly voice say ‘Hello, Dean.’… Cas’s deep blue eyes piercing his soul, Dean wishing desperately that he had the courage to make a move. And more than anything else, eternally replaying, Cas’s last moments. Cas looking at him tenderly as he expressed his love, then being immediately absorbed by the Empty. His smile as he was surrounded by the ooze. Dean had never seen him so happy. So free. And then he was just… gone. And Dean was left, frozen, sobbing, too late to say anything back. Too late to tell Cas that maybe, just maybe, he loves him too. Too late to do anything but sit and watch as his closest friend, possibly more, was taken away.

It haunted him. They won, they beat Chuck, but at what cost? Was it really worth it, a life free, but a life alone? Sure, Dean had Sam, but it wasn’t the same. And Sam had Eileen. He didn’t say it, but Dean knew it was only a matter of time before he’d leave the bunker to go settle down in a suburb, start a family with Eileen, and live a good, normal, apple pie life. And Dean was happy for him, he knew that Sam was finally at peace and able to enjoy himself, but part of him dreaded it. Once Sam left, he’d be fully alone. Jack already left, off to rule the universe or whatever, and everyone else.. they were able to be at peace as well.

Dean had asked Jack once, if he could bring Cas back. He pleaded, tears in his eyes, voice cracking. But Jack only smiled sadly.

“Dean, you know I’m hands-off. I can’t get involved, I can’t make the same mistakes as Chuck. I can’t bring him back.”

“But Jack… he raised you. He saved you, multiple times. And you can’t just bring him back? He’s only in there from a deal he made to save you.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I wish I could bring him back. But I can’t. What’s gone is gone.”

Then Jack left, accompanied by the familiar sound of flapping wings. Dean could only collapse to the ground, defeated.

So that wasn’t an option. Dean hadn’t talked with Jack since.

But another day, another time to put on a good face and try and be happy for his brother. Dean rose from his bed, trying to focus on the positives. Today they were going to go on a picnic with Jody and her girls.

He went into the kitchen, making his normal breakfast and sat down to eat it. He stared blankly at the chair across from him… Cas should’ve been there. He shook his head. He can’t think about that, it’s too early, too hard. Instead, he stared into his coffee and tried to enjoy it.


	2. The Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean heads to Jody’s.

Dean turned the keys to the Impala, coming to a stop in front of Jody’s place. It wasn’t much, just a small home with an olive exterior and a nicely tended garden in front, (that’s new, must be Donna’s addition, Dean mused to himself), but it felt like home. He could feel the memories that oozed into the foundations, the feelings of love and protection. He sighed, pressing his hands against the dash. He’d have to go out there, talk to everyone, smile, crack his jokes... it’s just so much. 

He was happy for them, but every time he saw everyone, Donna and Jody gazing into each other’s eyes lovingly, Sam and Eileen signing at each other tenderly, it made the hole in his heart feel even wider. At first Claire shared his grief, still mourning Kaia. They’d sit back and let all the couples have their fun and crack sarcastic jokes at each other, hiding their brokenness. Once or twice they even discussed their grief. But one day he got a call from Claire, heard her nearly crying in happiness. She had found a way to get Kaia back. 

He was happy for her, relieved that no one else had to feel the way he did, but it gouged that missing part of him even more. Everyone else could come back, most of them had multiple times. Why not Cas?

Dean schooled his face into a playful smile before he stepped out of his car. He walked up to the door and knocked. 

“Hey Jodes.” He smiled as the door swung open and embraced her. The shorter woman smiled. 

“Hey there, Dean. How’s it been going?” She asked cheerfully, inviting him in.

“Oh, you know, as good as a life of a hunter can be. Killed a nest of vamps a few days ago, they almost got me on a piece of rebar. I made it out, though!”

Jody ruffled his hair with a smile. “That’s the Dean I know.”

“How’re you and the girls doing?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Jody smiled and lead him through to the back. Through the glass door he could see Alex laying on a blanket studying some med notes, Patience sitting by her, legs crossed, enjoying the slight summer breeze. A few feet away were Kaia and Claire, holding hands and bickering. Claire pressed a quick kiss to Kaia’s lips, making them both blush. Alex whistled, causing Patience to give her a gentle smack. Donna stood back, grilling burgers, watching everything unfold with a smile on her face. When she saw Jody, her eyes lit up. Jody opened the door and pulled Dean out with her.

“Dean! How great to see you!” Donna grinned, Minnesotan accent heavy. She pulled him into a hug.

“I missed you, Donna.” Dean embraced her tight. They lost her before, he was so relieved that they got her back. If only they could’ve gotten him.... no, Dean stopped his thinking there. 

“Where’s your brother?”

“Oh, he’ll be here soon. He’s been staying with Eileen.”

“She coming today?” Jody piped up.

“I think so.”

A few minutes later, Sam and Eileen lumbered in through the side gate wearing matching looks of happiness. For a moment Dean let himself imagine walking in with Cas, his trench coat on despite the weather, hair ruffled as always, but this time because Dean’s been running his fingers through it. He smiled sadly. Donna nudged him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“Guess what, Dean-o? I made you a pie.”

That perked Dean up some. He tucked his feelings away, he’ll deal with them later. At least, that’s what he always told himself. But for now, he’s going to enjoy some damn good pie and be grateful for the people he loves.

Everyone settled down around the table outside, digging into the food. The conversation was pleasant, filled with asking the girls about their future, Sam blushing when Jody asked Sam when he’d pop the question, and Jody wearing a matching blush once Sam turned the question on her. Dean found himself going quiet, letting the others take over the conversation. Instead, he decided to space out for a bit, trying to absorb the happiness around him. 

He looked at the beaming face of his brother, Sammy finally happy with is life. He glanced at Eileen, watching Sam with a special glint in her eyes before she took his hand into her own. He saw Donna, shyly wrapping her arm around Jody’s shoulder before kissing her on the cheek. Jody returned the favor, then tucking a loose strand of hair behind Donna’s ear. Claire and Kaia were giggling, lost in their own world as Kaia whispered something in her ear, making the other girl’s eyes widen and causing a flush to spread across her cheeks. Patience was engaged in a conversation with Sam about colleges, enthusiastically discussing all the places she’s submitted her essays, and all the others she planned to. Alex, Eileen, and Jody were engaged in a rapid discussion, their hands flying through the air as they signed. 

Dean wore a melancholy smile. He glanced at the table, focused on stuffing his face with the burgers Donna made. He couldn’t help but thinking of Cas’s ice blue eyes, thinking about how warm his hand always felt on his shoulder. He wondered what it would feel like to hold Cas’s hand in his own. But it was too late for those wonders. Cas was in the Empty. The place he couldn’t go. Dean felt tears pricking at his eyes. Donna looked at him in concern. 

“You okay, Dean?”

“I’m fine, Donna. Always am. I just... I just need a second alone.” He stood up, ignoring the concerned looks from everyone around him. He walked across the lawn, away from the nicely manicured grass and flowers and more into the untended areas before leaning against a tree. Only then did he let the tears fall.

They fell hard and fast against his face. They ran down, hot against his skin as the reality hit again, that Cas was gone for good. He sunk against the trunk, putting his head in his hands. His angel was gone. Dead. In an eternity of nothingness. 

He let out a choked sob before removing his head from his hands. He looked up, suddenly frozen as he made eye contact with the figure in front of him. A figure with piercing blue eyes and tousled dark hair. His trench coat blew softly in the summer breeze, a navy tie flipped against his white button-up shirt. 

“Hello, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my amazing friend and sister in crime for editing this!!!!


	3. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have a long overdue discussion.

“Cas?” 

Dean jumped to his feet, legs shaking slightly as he braced himself against the tree trunk behind him. He took in the sight of the angel in front of him, one he’d desperately missed.

“Buddy, is that really you?” He reached out a hand gently towards the other man’s rumpled coat. As his hand touched it, feeling the worn material, he couldn’t help but let another tear roll down his face. “Oh my god, it’s.. it’s really you.” Dean pulled Cas closer, gently cupping his hand around Cas’s cheek. Cas leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed. He let out a contented sigh before stepping back slightly.

“Dean, I... I don’t have much time. The Empty, it’s weakened. I managed to squeeze out but.. but I don’t know how long before it’ll bring me back. It still has a grip on my grace.”

Dean’s eyes widened, hope flitting across his features. “If it’s weak, can we kill it?”

“I’m not sure. But.. but all the angels in there, the demons, they’re awake. We’ve been kept contained but Gabriel, he found a crack. He helped me out before the Empty noticed. But Dean, we had to warn you, I had to warn you. The Empty can’t hold us much longer.”

Dean hesitated before grasping Castiel’s hand in his own. “That means you’ll be able to come back, right? And stay?”

“Yes but.. all the angels, all the demons we’ve killed... they’ll come back too. Once the Empty breaks, we’ll be sent to Earth. I’m sorry, Dean.”

Dean’s brow creased. “Why are you sorry? You’ll get to come back, man. We’ve iced those evil sons of bitches once, we can do it again. But we need you.” He glanced at his feet quickly before looking into Cas’s ice blue eyes. “I... I need you.” His voice broke. Dean’s thumb gently stroked over Cas’s cheekbones, feeling the rough stubble. “I never stopped looking for ways to get you out.”

Cas looked at Dean before stepping back. “About what I said before the Empty took me... I apologize.” He whispered gently, averting his gaze. “I know how you think of me, as a brother, and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable... your friendship means the world to me-“

Dean moved towards him, putting one hand on his lower back before cutting him off. “Cas, you’ve got it all wrong. I... I’ve been scared, okay? I’ve known since Purgatory how I... how I feel about you. Just... feelings aren’t... my thing. And I didn’t want to... ruin us. Or mess up. Or lose you.” He used his thumb to gently lift Cas’s chin so they were looking eye to eye.

Cas bit his lip, brow furrowed. “What are you saying, Dean?”

“I’m trying to say,” he took a deep breath, “I love you too, Cas.

Cas’s mouth gaped. “You... you do?”

Dean smiled, tugging him close. “I do.” He pressed his lips to Castiel’s. A warm feeling washed over him, his heart skipping a few beats as he leaned in hungrily. After a few moments, they pulled apart, resting their foreheads against one another. “I love you, Cas.”

“And I you, Dean.” Cas whispered, eyes crinkled, a smile blooming across his face

They stayed like that for a moment, embracing each other, finally in each other’s arms after all these years. It was picturesque, the bright sky reflecting their joy as birds chirped and leaves softly rustled. Dean couldn’t think of anything better as he simply held his angel. Suddenly, Cas stiffened. “Dean. It’s coming.”

Almost on cue, dark black ooze started reaching out from a nearby tree trunk, disrupting their contentment. The tendrils reached toward Cas greedily, already enveloping his ankles. He pushed Dean away with regret lacing his eyes. 

Dean’s chest tightened with grief as he watched his best friend, the love of his life, become absorbed by the viscous liquid for the second time. 

“No, no! Cas!” Dean dove forward, pressing himself against the angel in a tight embrace, memories of Cas being taken from the bunker in the same way flashing in his eyes, tears leaking from the corners. The inky goo started reaching for him as well, welcoming his limbs into its icy grasp.

“Dean, you can’t do this.” Cas’s eyes were wide with horror as he watched the sludge climb up his lover, enveloping more and more of him.

“I have to.” Dean reached up to cup Cas’s face. “I can’t lose you again.” He whispered, tucking his face against Cas’s shoulder. “I need you.”

The black tendrils reached up their bodies, wrapping them entirely before tugging them into the realm beyond, into the deep chasm of the Empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, school murdered me temporarily. Mega props to my friend SquibUwU (she writes on here, check her out!) for beta reading!!!
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3


	4. The Plan

Pitch black. That’s the first thing Dean noticed as he opened his eyes. The second thing was the warm body of Castiel, still wrapped to his side. He let out a deep breath... good, his plan worked, he didn’t lose Cas again. As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, Dean noticed the figures surrounding them.

“I’ll be damned Cassie, you brought your boy toy along!” 

Dean took a deep breath, it couldn’t be... “Gabriel? Is that you?”

“Sure is, Dean-o! Miss me?” Gabriel stepped closer, his ever-present smirk evident. “So, did you get your head out of your ass yet?” He said, motioning towards Dean and Cas, still intertwined on the ground. 

“Yeah, did you?” Another voice drawled. “You better take care of my unicorn, or we’ll leave you here.”

“There’s no need to defend my virtue, Meg.” Cas grumbled, climbing to his feet. He held a hand out for Dean, pulling him up. “Where’s the Entity?”

Another voice, one of a young man, piped up. “Not sure currently, it’s popped in a few times but seems to not want to stay anymore.”

“Thank you, Samandriel.” Cas held his head up high, surveying the individuals around them. “We need to make a move quickly, before it figures out to contain us again.”

“But you didn’t answer our question,” Gabriel whined. “Are you two boning yet?”

“We don’t have time for this, Gabriel.” Cas said stiffly. “The Empty is weakened right now, we have to get out before it can regenerate. We need to find our graces.” Meg coughed pointedly. “And our souls.”

“Right, right... I’ll bug you for juicy details later. Anyways, we haven’t quite found them yet. Any ideas from topside, Deanie?”

“Well, we can’t kill the Entity, or it’ll release everyone in this joint. We don’t need Lucifer and Michael to hitch a ride with us. But we could torture it... Cas always said it didn’t like noise, right?”

Cas nodded.

“Then let’s make some.” Gabriel grinned wickedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay in posting plus the short chapter, school’s been a mess.


End file.
